Confessions of a Light Seeker

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Indiana Trip with The Prairie Acre
I travel with the band when I can, on trips. First stop was Noblesville Indiana. It is a typical Indiana town, now somewhat suburbanized, with a lovely town square.

The town was already decked out for the Fourth of July.

My job is to watch Owen, my grandson, age four. He is a talkative chap and always ready for mischief. He spent the night with me one night at the hotel. We had a nice talk about being good. Owens said, "You know, I like it when I make people laugh, even if I get into trouble sometimes."

So, sometimes I let Owen use my camera. The one rule is that he doesn't drop it and must wear the camera strap around his neck. Owen takes his time framing, and focusing as best he can. I'll be darn if he didn't take the best band photos of the trip.

A short Travelogue
Crossing the states in so much heat, I am nauseous. Until it rains. Then I am capable of a few photos. A few.
Missouri self-described (rurally).

Greenville, Illinois it rains.

Vandalia Illinois has a dragon.

Apparently, you can put in a quarter and it will spew flames. I am not in the mood.

This was not a successful photo journey for me. But it was for Owen. I'll show you his photos tomorrow.
I spent my time listening to music, talking to family and friends and forgot about the camera most the time. Darn shame. Anyone headed for Indiana? I have photo spots for you..
In the meantime...I heard some fine music, fine musicians. More tomorrow.

Crossing Illinois on a road trip
Hot as can be. And my computer has forgotten how to recognize my camera.

Postcards from Kansas
I was at Holton Kansas last Friday for a Bluegrass festival. Since I am mostly baby sitting, I hear the bands but don't catch band names or anything.
This particular group of ladies sing like the Andrews Sisters, can yodel, foot stomp amd do it all. Country swing, I think you call it.

Owen and I got so far into choosing the perfect piece of pie at the pie concession, I forgot to take a picture. Home made pie. $2. a slice. I hate to sound too much like a Bubba, but there were Pecan pies, rhubarb pies, apple pies, lemon meringue pies, peach pies, coconut cream pies, chocolate pies, gooseberry pies and more. We ended up choosing the coconut cream pie which was so rich, it took 3 adults and one four year old to finish it.

In eastern Kansas, both the Oregon Trail and the Sante Fe Trail cross through and gradually separate. So a lot of signs have to do with Trails. We do, too, have Neon in Kansas, so nah nah nee boo boo!

We have killers and bigots of all kinds here. The really kind people never make the news.I am sure of that. They are everywhere. Often in groups of suspendered seed hat wearing men having coffee.
And we have mountainless, waterless views. It is an acquired taste. And I love it.

I have been licking my wounds
I haven't beem posting or commenting with accuracy for about three weeks. HUGE problems with Mom and her perceptions and insults. And trying to be a helper and it not working out due to Paranoia or whatever is on the soap operas.
So I take this one step out.
This is my friend Bitsey's dog, Cody. Sometimes you wear hats you don't even know you are wearing

Mothers, words said, ...uh.
Life can be simple. "Do good things. Don't do bad things."
I have always admired Google's mission statement:"Do No Evil."- Do I have that right?
Regardless where you stand with Churches, or synagogues, or mosques
or humanistic principles..somehow, you "get" this.
So watch what you say. You have no idea how a simple statement can ruin a relationship. If you were wrong, apologize for what you said, as fast as possible.
I am dealing with years of statements by my Mom and I am ready to let go. It has been a painful week. I am letting go.
My Dad told me (and this is attributed to a famous author, who I do not have the patience right now to look up) "Let all men count, but none too much."
Shedding your Mom can be a very painful thing. It is a skin you accepted.
But you can let go. This is not me, what you say, mother. I let go.
That is where I am. I hope I can pick up a camera next week. And even comment coherently.

Just a Little Bit
I was gone for a few days to help my Mom with banking considerations. We straightened a lot of things out.
Upon calling tonight. she says she doesn't trust me. Only my brother.
This hurts.
So I will back off.
I will contact Mom for social things. Just that. This hurts a lot.
Also, where is my own demise? Maybe that is the scariest thing?
Where will I go when my numbers are up? Or dwindling?
I'd like to think, I have a plan, that will not hurt anyone.

Maia, Anna , Cresty and Tufty
Now, I know these photos are way too big, but I am tired and don't feel like resizing. Hopefully, you are between picnics and cookouts and can tell me which one you like best. It helps me see.

Today the guinea pigs went for a jaunt in the clover while the cage was being cleaned.

I have no pictures tonight
And usually, I do.
Zambini cat was out the door for 28 hours. Upon capture, with the good neighbors help, Zam shredded my leg in the car ride home. In 28 hours he turns feral. Lockdown for cat. I am a warden.
Bodie has neck pain, again.
Meeting with Mom or Indianapolis friends brings me stress. I try to be who I am, but mostly that ends in disaster. Plenty of criticsm and innuendos about not having a job.
I was just going to tell everyone what I really do. I baby sit for free. I teach dog classes for free. I make minimal art or Ebay sales for money. Mostly I invest in stocks. In spite of the market, from 1995 to now, in spite of the horrible economic situation, I am very ahead of initial investment. My doing and following Motley Fool.
In Indianapolis, there are rules. In spite of your dollars or non dollars, look good. Fascade carries weight.
So I am going to a masquerade party. Three days in masquerade.
No one is interested in hiking, hiking with dog, pets in general. No one is interested in pottery, if you can buy matched sets, for dinner parties never given. No one is intersted in talking charitable giving. I do a lot of that.
I feel bad, that there are not many people to share with.
So, I look good, I don't confide the hard parts, the meaningful parts. and just go look right.
Yes, I will offer compassion to whatever world views are there. Whatever way of being. I am not looking forward ot it.

Happy Dog
I post a lot of photos of Bodie swimming. But I rarely post what follows.

A good shake

And a blissful roll in the grass

Past Mother's day
Thing of it is, I want to spend time with grandkids. but when I walk into the room after playing with kids and making ice cream or whatever..I miss the whole conversation with my kids and then I ask questions, that should be obvious, since they were already discussed. I feel the fool. Or say the wrong things. Really, there are month old plans, that I am not aware of.
I was outside. We were painting old chairs that I got for about 50 cents to $3. at garage sales. Owen had to go to a birthday party and then came back. We had almost cleaned up, when Owen came back and he was so disappointed to not have painted with "everybody." (Owen goes to an art based Pre-school.)
Thing about Owen is that he likes to observe the drips from a brush- see what they will do. Like Mini Jackson Pollack. And when I think he is not done yet, he shouts to his parents and cousins "You guys, you guys, this might be my best thing ever!"
And I am thinking, while kids are painting on the grass..what does it Matter? It is garage sale Stuff/ it is as an old shed and grass. Could be that old shed becomes a kid project. Relatively little intervention.
We escaped with only a few drips on the dog's tail.

I am thinking I don't understand a lot of things..Like Contra dance things where you stay at people's houses and should you bring a gift if you do stay and how does this work?

In the meantime. Eric, my son in law, Made a wonderful CD for me. I know I am 60...I think I will proclaim it okay to bop in my car in front of popular restaurants..
Certain cuts make me cry. For truth, for hope, for laughter. I think this is an important element in what I love the best about music. The emotional part.
The music list:

Spring sneaks up on me
I was so used to winter and rain, that I didn't even know it was prom time. Or graduation time. Sure, I got out, but I have been expecting rain for so long, I forgot to notice.
I must have little faith.
Perhaps I set this up so I am constantly, yearly, surprised when spring comes. I suffer from winter amnesia. And every year, I am surprised when Spring actually happens (again).
This year I am taking notes. Plant tomatoes about now.
Iris is in. Spring roses are ready to bloom and so are peony. Lilac has passed.
But Iris spit Ozzie tongues at me. I am startled by their presence.

And roses bring sweet promises.

Wake up. It is here. And fortunately, the lettuce I remembered to plant in pots, is coming up like gangbusters.

New Petunias
A glimpse of my new Petunia basket, which traditionally I have killed by August. Don't ask me how I do this. Am I supposed to actually DO something to them? Make them Happy?

Farmer's Market
Well, only some lettuce and onions are up.
Liz found her eggs...

There were free balloons,

The Prairie Acre ( I Honestly think) brought in a crowd for their release party.

The day was over cast. The honey bee honey guys were out in costume,

And for some reason, little kids like to suck flavored Honey straws. I think the flavor is dreadful. Maybe this is not a good idea.

And that is my weekend.
Almost.
I am not good at multi-tasking. It is hard to , uh um, "focus" when you still have to know where kids are. And so it goes.

Owen, the devious fellow
We are in Auburn, enjoying the typical snacks while the Bluegrass plays.
I volunteer to buy a soda and split it with Owen. Two straws. One soda.
Is it just my imagination, or is Owen trying to drink it all before my turn? :)

From Yesterday
Look - Baby Kellar has teeth! (I know they are not matching yet, but she is working on that.)

The things you find
Outside the Auburn Kansas Library and Community Center

Originally, it was William Styron's accounts of depression that influenced me. It was maybe Winston Churchill that first described depression as the black dog that sat there, on your chest, and wouldn't get off.
My beloved Springer spaniel Danny had died. He was irreplaceable.
Maybe it was the ungood boyfriend that happened to own a great Labrador Retriever. That "didn't like girls." But cuddled up immediately to me.
Maybe if I bought a black dog, I'd see something. Indeed I have.
I will skip the horrible puppy times, my broken nose and all that.
Today we went to the vet's office. Bodie is fine. Last
thing Doctor Olson said was ,"That is a really good dog."
We both have arthritis. He has had several operation for bad knees etc. I have yet to have mine.
He is patient and waits and waits for me to check the stock market, write emails, stuff and stuff. But if the day is good, he knows it will be more than a walk in a park.
A long time ago, when at a dusty doggie park in Arizona, he was being herded by Australian cattle dogs, chewed by Yorkies, and held in general ridicule by the other dogs for digging the water dish dry...I said , "I will get you water."
And so I did,

I guess I mean to go to more meetings or something. I should be more socialable. But this is what I truly love. Most people I know shield their clothes when dog or wet dog is involved. That is their choice, too.
But I love this. The Arizona breeder that sold me this dog said, "They'll become what you need them to be." I believe this is true.
Oh- a last thing...Bodie never sits on my chest. He just situates himself, right close by.

Spring is almost here
Perhaps this week the trees will leaf out. I took a drive today looking for Spring.

There was green where there wasn't before. I've never trusted tulips or daffodils. I had to see it myself.

Every year, I start to lose faith. I believe it won't come, at least not on time. But it does come. It really doesn't need my concern or assistance.