Brendamom (brendamom) wrote,

Feb 5 Time to think it over

My Mom and I have had years and years of arguing and not getting along. Oh..and the years of criticism I can barely shake today. But today I can.
Mom is frail. She has shrunk about 4 inches literally. She tries so hard to keep track of the days of the week, the month, they year. She locks all doors and re-checks 3 or more times, every night. She re-checks the coffee pot 2 times, the microwave more, and if she ever uses a stove burner, I bet it is checked a dozen times. She is careful. She is meticulous. By doing all these things, she can live alone , somewhat safely. She really does want to die in her own home, with her own things around her. She hates the very idea of retirement homes.
She was so sweet this visit. Power surges apparently wiped out her cable TV. Something she depends upon. We got it fixed. She went from 8 channels to 100. She thinks I did something magical. Nope. Cable guy did that.
I just helped.
I felt so loved this visit.
I am willing now, more than ever, to let go of resentments. Life is so short. And whatever things were said or done by my Mom, she did the best she could. And her pronouncements on me, were not accurate. I see that now. I am basically a good egg.
At the grocery today, I bought generic flowers for me before prices escalate for Valentine's day. I was just kind of loving me today. Celebrating that I am really okay.

feb 5 flowers

Zam the cat had an interesting viewpoint. It is not the flowers, it is the foliage that surrounds it that is important.

Feb 5 Zam and flowers web sized._edited-1
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